In my early twenties, I went through a heavy Tony Robbins phase. He was my introduction to self-help, and it sparked a lifelong interest in identity and personal transformation.
One of his ideas has stayed with me ever since: the Law of Familiarity.
It’s the natural tendency to take things, and people, for granted once they’ve been around long enough.
Think about the move you’ve been fantasizing about. You picture the restaurants, the grocery store you’ll visit all the time, the events that feel made for you. Then you move. Slowly, your new home becomes ordinary again. The restaurants feel boring. The grocery store has terrible options. The events aren’t worth leaving the house for.
You’ve become numb to the beauty around you, simply because it’s become familiar.
We do this with people, too. The partner you couldn’t stop talking about becomes a thorn in your side, and suddenly all you see are their flaws. Friendships and workplaces follow the same pattern.
Nothing about them changed. Your attention did.
We all fall for this at some point. The real question is how to prevent it, or reverse it once you notice.
Here are my top three ways to keep familiarity from hijacking your happiness, so you can see the beauty and gifts already in your life.
1. Gratitude as your baseline
When you’re present, you notice how much there is to be grateful for.
Relationships often end because familiarity breeds slow indifference. People stop noticing their partner’s effort. They stop saying thank you. Becoming mindful of what someone adds to your life is incredibly expansive.
The same works for everyday things. Take your fridge. At first glance, it’s the same food you always buy. Now look at each item. Many people handled it before it reached the store, and then your hands. And you had the means to buy it. Multiply that by everything in there, and your fridge starts to feel like a buffet.
2. The power of visualization
We all slip into autopilot: the same roads, the same meals, the same shops. But if you’re mindful enough to catch it, you can correct it.
When I notice it happening, I visualize how these places felt the first time, and I let myself feel it again. Suddenly I remember how gorgeous the rolling hills are on the road I drive every day. The shopping center that’s now routine once felt high-end and expansive, back when I was just a visitor in my city. In my early twenties, my dream was to have the means to do all my grocery shopping at Whole Foods. Now I have Whole Foods deliver my groceries.
Everything you have now was once something you prayed for.
3. Contribution over expectations
When you expect your partner to cook dinner simply because they always do, you’re falling for the Law of Familiarity. You dismiss their effort because you’ve grown used to it.
Reframe it. Ask yourself: What can I add to their life? What can I add to my life? That’s how you become the author and creator of your world, and that’s what makes life juicy!
It can be small. Grab your partner’s favorite snacks just to see them smile. Take a pair of jeans you never wear, sew on some fun embroidery, and suddenly they’re your favorite pair.
That’s taking life into your own hands.
